


Don't Know What to Think

by Prodigal_Sunlight



Series: Two Gay Dads [6]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Gen, M/M, and general mistreatment, is just deceit bein angy, mostly just deceit getting mad abt problems in childcare, nothing in depth, some brief mentions of child neglect, the first part of this chapter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:47:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24665623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prodigal_Sunlight/pseuds/Prodigal_Sunlight
Summary: Logan asks Patton to explain love. Its about as awkward as you'd expect.
Relationships: Deceit | Janus Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders
Series: Two Gay Dads [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1459717
Comments: 21
Kudos: 235





	Don't Know What to Think

Patton sat at the kitchen table, fighting a yawn as he listened to Deceit’s voice on the other end of the phone. For the past couple of days, the two of them had spent a few hours on call every evening. Mostly it was Deceit talking at length about various tricky sounding legal stuff while the two of them compared adoption papers.

It was a nice way to spend evenings. Patton would tuck the boys into bed, grab a cookie and a glass of milk, and mostly just listen to Deceit talk. His voice was still smooth and clear, but at some point during the calls he’d dropped the suave tone, too busy cursing legal issues to waste breath on calculated charisma. His voice was also a bit deeper and rougher than usual, no doubt because of how late it was. And still, although the exhaustion changed his voice, it didn’t make it any less musical.

“So, it is technically legal to separate foster siblings in our state, however there are certain limits such as the circumstances under which they were given up, whether they have formed a codependency, and so on, but even that can be overruled.” Deceit continued. “It isn’t impossible for it to be contested in a court of law depending on the situation, though disappointingly, the odds are not in our favor. However, none of this is even relevant until we can confirm Remus and Roman are twins.”

Patton swallowed his bite of cookie before responding. “What do you mean confirm? They look the same, have the same birthday, they’re both allergic to cottonseed—it seems pretty obvious!”

“Conjecture like that may seem obvious, but in court we would need solid proof. I’ve made calls about further paperwork, but there’s been quite a delay. Hard to say if its typical government inefficiency, or an intentional means of obscuring some of the less polished corners of the system,” Deceit said with a scoff. “How old was your Roman when you took him home?”

“Oh man, not any more than a year,” Patton said, chuckling a bit. “He was so little! He was such a fussy little baby, always bouncing and wiggling in his high chair like he was trying to dance.”

Deceit paused for a moment. “Ah. He’s lucky, then.”

“Lucky?” Patton echoed.

There was a long deep sigh. “Many positive foster homes indeed do their best to care for their charges, as the system intends. However there are others who are not so charitable. Some foster homes are neglectful. Others are controlling, manipulative. But unless they are outwardly abusive, so long as its tame enough to excuse as ‘discipline,’ they are allowed to continue fostering.”

There was a slow, soft tapping, as though Deceit was drumming his fingers against a desk. “It’s worse for ‘problem children.’ They move from foster to foster quickly, and either by the law of large numbers or some intentional design, many end up in the less kind foster homes. As a child therapist I expect you understand the toxicity of the ‘problem child’ mentality. Too loud, too quiet, too hyper, too lazy. Anything can make them a ‘problem child’ if their special needs seem inconvenient to the caregiver. Often that leads to more frequent foster rotation, and that lack of a sturdy developmental foundation can worsen the original ‘problem.’”

Patton fell silent for a moment, setting down his cookie. “Was that how it was for Remus, then?” he asked softly.

“By the time I adopted him he’d been through the worst of it,” Deceit said, his voice hushed. “You’ve met him, he’s not exactly ordinary. No one’s willing to look at the world the way he does. He’s been ostracized by adults and other children his whole life. If he had a twin, someone who could’ve been by his side supporting him, damn whatever white-collar prick decided to separate them.”

Patton’s heart ached. Roman was too young to have had much trouble, and Logan’s past foster families seemed to have all been fairly good people. He couldn’t imagine the pain of knowing that someone else had hurt his boys, and that there was nothing he could do. He tried to find the words, but came up empty.

“Ah—we’ll have to cut this short,” Deceit spoke up. “Remus is yelling for me. I’ll call you tomorrow, presuming I’m not too busy.”

He said the same thing at the end of every call.’Tomorrow, if I’m not busy.’ Patton felt oddly lucky that Deceit seemed to have not been too busy for him yet.

“Good night Deceit!” Patton said brightly. “Tell your boys I said hi!”

He could a distant, “Mister Sanders says hello,” before the call ended and he was left alone in the kitchen.

It was just Patton, his phone, his cookie, and the thoughts about Deceit that wouldn’t quite leave him alone even after the dial tone ended. 

And also Logan.

“Logan?” Patton said, quickly getting to his feet. “Kiddo, I thought you were in bed! Do you need something?”

“Please sit back down father,” Logan said solemnly, adjusting the large glasses that barely fit on his face. He pulled out a seat of his own, climbing up and folding his arms on the dining room table.

Patton turned his chair around and sat, propping up his chin. “Lo-lo, it’s way past your bed time. Remember those neat facts we talked about? The ones about getting healthy amounts of sleep?”

Logan frowned, clasping his hands together. “Yes, but this is very important. Besides, Roman is reading a fantasy book under the covers, so its fine.” Before Patton could explain that both of them being awake didn’t make it fine, Logan continued. “You are very clear that you value our mental health and we can always discuss our concerns with you. I have a concern.”

Well darn. He wanted to get Logan back in bed, but if something was bothering him, Patton couldn’t just turn a blind eye. “Of course,” Patton said firmly. “You can tell me anything.” Admittedly, he hadn’t always been the best at accepting faults—in others and in himself—but he’d been trying his best to put that aside for his boys. They were kids. It wouldn’t be fair to judge them harshly.

“Last year my class had ‘the talk,’ and we discussed human reproduction and the functions of… certain body parts,” Logan said, his face completely straight except for the embarrassed flush rising to his cheeks. “I have been thinking about this off-and-on for sometime.”

Patton scratched the back of his neck, nodding awkwardly. “Well Logan, you’re starting to get to that age where your body is changing and you feel new things! Um. You can uh… you can always ask me any questions, and—“

“This is not about puberty,” Logan interrupted. “This is about the lecture my class had. They explained, briefly and in minimal detail, the process by which humans reproduce. It was framed it as an act between a male and a female. However. I do not want to kiss girls.”

Well that was way easier to deal with than puberty. “Kiddo, is that all? I promise, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to—“

“I’m not done,” Logan said, rushing slightly, as if worried he might lose his nerve. “I am starting to think I will never want to kiss girls. I think maybe I want to kiss boys. Or nobody. I don’t know yet. I need to know your stance on this matter so I know how to best deal with it.”

Patton broke into a huge grin, trying to stifle his laughter. “Wait, you’re asking if I’m okay with it?” he covered his mouth with his hands, trying to be serious but struggling to keep the giggles in. “Really?”

Logan’s frown deepened, and the blush brightened. “I need to know your stance. You are a good dad but the internet says many parents are unsupportive and if that is the case I will need to run away.”

“First of all, no one is running away,” Patton said, still smiling. “Second of all, buddy, you know I’m gay, right? Didn’t I introduce you and Roman to the nice man I was dating a few years ago?”

Logan slapped his hands on table, puffing out his cheeks and pouting. “Don’t dodge the question!”

As funny as Patton found it, clearly Logan was anxious about the issue. Patton reached across the table, putting his hands on top of Logan’s. “Logan, of course I support you. You can kiss people who are boys, girls, neither, or changing. You can decide you don’t want to be a boy, you can decide you want to be a boy or a girl, you can decide to not kiss anyone. You’re a wonderful kid! I’ll love you no matter what people you like or who you are.”

Logan nodded slowly, using his free hand to wipe at his eyes. “Thanks dad,” he mumbled, swallowing. “How will I know if I do like someone? In the non-platonic way,” he said. “Like, for kissing.”

Patton tapped his finger against his chin thoughtfully. “That’s a tricky question! Well, I’m a firm believer healthy love can only happen with someone you’d be happy with platonically. So first, it’ll be someone that you want to spend a lot of time around! You’ll feel good when you’re with them, like friends do. A lot of people see a pretty face and think that’s love, but I think real love happens when you think someone is pretty not because they look nice, but because you feel happy when you see them. When you’re in love, sometimes you’ll fight, but if you’re good to each other you’ll work to find understandings and compromises! Of course, romantic love isn’t purely ‘better’ than platonic love, so if you don’t find a special someone, that’s okay! You’ll still have me and Roman,” he said warmly, giving Logan’s hand an affectionate little squeeze. “Though you don’t need to think about it too much until you’re older! For now, just have fun being a kid and don’t worry about that stuff, alright?”

Logan frowned, though it wasn’t his anxious stern frown from before. This was an expression Patton had seen almost every day, a sort of drawn and focused concentration that pulled Logan into his own little bubble of smart thoughts. “Do you have any examples?” he asked.

“Examples?” Patton said, blinking. “Well uh. I mean, I haven’t been in a super serious relationship for a long time, bud.” He hated not having an answer, he hated not being able to help. He could come up with something, right? “It’s like uh… you’ve met Mister Deceit before, right?”

“I’ve seen him a few times,” Logan said solemnly. “Are you in love with him?”

Patton’s face burned like he’d suddenly caught fire. “What? No! No, of course not. He’s very rude, and he lies about baking!” Patton said quickly, shaking his head as hard as he could. “I’m using this as a bad example! It’s like, he and I argue a lot, you know? We don’t agree on standards for the school district, or how to raise money, or anything! We fight a lot. He thinks I’m a bad driver and I know he’s a liar and a sneak! We don’t get along. That’s the example, if you fight and argue with someone all the time, that’s not love, at least, not healthy love!”

Logan narrowed his eyebrows in thought, like he was considering a particularly tricky math problem. “You said that if you find understanding and compromise then fighting is normal in a relationship. From the way you discuss him, it seems you and Mister Deceit have the same ends in mind, but conflicting ideas of how to reach that goal. However, you have never had a physical altercation with him and you always seem happy and fulfilled after your PTA meetings. Is that not what you meant?”

“No!” Patton blurted out. “Those kinds of things can be platonic or polite, it was just a part of a whole thing! Besides, I argue with Karen all the time, and I’m obviously not in love with her and her stale white brownies,” he said, grimacing at the mere thought.

Logan got up from his chair, fiddling with his pajama shirt. “I am more confused about understanding love now, but I am just glad you are supportive of me not kissing girls,” he said.

Patton chuckled awkwardly, shaking his head. “I’m not supportive of you kissing anyone while you’re in elementary school bud. Once you’re a teen, I’ll be on your side no matter what.” He still felt off-balance though, wracking his brain for something he could have said to make Logan think he loved Deceit.

In love with Deceit! Really, what a concept. Patton knew barely anything about him. The PTA ladies had said Deceit was a single father, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t already dating someone. It didn’t mean he was interested in men either. Even if Deceit was single and gay, maybe he wanted to focus on being a father and not get caught up in the distractions of romance. Hell, Deceit was almost definitely not his real name. All Patton really knew for certain was Deceit drove a black mini cooper, worked at a law firm, and had two adopted sons.

And of course the small fact that Patton definitely was absolutely not in love with him. He was so rude and sarcastic, and a liar to boot. Who could love that?

Though Deceit did make really clever puns. And he always put the students before the budget. And he was so gentle and soft with his sons, a hidden kindness that a part of Patton’s heart ached to see more of.

But he wasn’t in love. Definitely not.

“Can you tuck me in? I don’t need it but… studies show children rest easier when tucked in by an adult,” Logan asked sheepishly, snapping Patton back to reality and his cozy suburban kitchen.

He chuckled, scooping up Logan in his arms and trying not to stumble under the kid’s weight. “I already tucked you in tonight, and you got out of bed,” he teased. Although a part of him wished Logan would just say he wanted it, he knew that rationalizing things comforted Logan, so he didn’t comment on that. “Once you’re in bed, that’s it. No reading any late night books, straight to sleep.”

“Tell that to Roman, he’s the one reading,” Logan protested. 

Patton grinned, opening the door to Logan’s room and dropping him on the bed. “Oh I’m definitely going to, but I got to you first, didn’t I? Good night, kiddo.”

As he tucked Logan in, gave him a kiss on the forehead and turned out the lights, Patton felt a warmth in his chest, like a little hug around his heart. No matter what, he had his sons. That was all he really needed. He didn’t need to fall in love. He didn’t need to be swept off his feet. He was just happy to cook good food for his good boys, and that was the long and short of it.

Still, as he headed to Roman’s room down the hall, he couldn’t think of anything but the sound of Deceit’s voice on the phone.

**Author's Note:**

> Patton is gay and has two braincells and both of them are lost between the couch cushions
> 
> This story is so weird for me to write bcz normally I do fantasy or sci-fi so just a cute lil slice-of-life is definitely not my normal comfort zone, but it is rlly fun


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